This post was inspired by Ryan, my sweet eldest child, who left this morning for the grueling 27 hour trip back to college. He really loved the chance to return to China and live the experience rather than seeing it from the windows of a tour bus. In his three weeks here, he got out into the city and immersed himself in the life around him ... he ate the food, walked the streets and explored the parks in the early morning hours. I think he had a great time. But when he was getting ready to leave the one thing he said he would be glad to leave behind was the stares, not only looking different from everyone (and I mean everyone), but being reminded of that fact with every turned head, every penetrating gaze. (Remember that staring is not considered rude here.) As I walked the kindergartners, Chang E, aka Kristen, and XG, to school this morning, I thought about his comments and about the different reactions within our own family to the homogeneity around us.
Marissa has really enjoyed looking like everyone else; it's the one thing she has mentioned repeatedly that she likes about being here. I realize how important this is to her, my beautiful daughter who doesn't like to be the center of attention, if it makes up for the fact that she can't speak the language and that everything about her life has changed so dramatically. Although Lindsay and Kristen don't mention it, I wonder if they, too, see the differences here less sharply because the overwhelming similarity is, well, overwhelming.
As I first thought about this topic, I thought stares are stares...as a caucasian mother with three asian daughters we get stared at everywhere. And then I thought again. It's partly that people here really stare (reference cultural difference in rudeness of staring), but it's more than that, too. After 12 years of being the mother of a mixed-race family, I am used to people's curiosity. Except that isn't what I feel here. No one returns my smile when we make eye contact; the eyes I see are suspicious. I always think they are wondering if I am a child abductor, particularly as I push, prod, nag and drag a dawdling 5 year old to school. I don't just stand out here, I STAND OUT. This is really China, really. Not the Forbidden City-Great Wall-Summer Palace-Jade Factory China. This is the real thing. In this city of 3.5 million (not a typo) the only non-asians that I have ever seen are people that I know...there are maybe 5 of us.
On Tuesday, Ryan and I went to the capital of this province, Zhengzhou, where we expected to see at least a few westerners. Other than the 3 people we planned to meet - one ex-pat also doing orphanage work and a couple who were adopting from our orphanage - we saw none, zip, nada. We were really amazed, given that this city is larger than every US city except New York and that we spent time at the airport, train station, bus station and near major hotels AND ate at Pizza Hut. Not one non-Asian face other than our own. Yes, we really stand out... no wonder people stare. (And the pizza was fabulous!)
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